Yelp Yack

French Bred.

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 01:16:28 -0700

My high school French class came here. We were supposed to order in French but this one kid said “gimme some of dat bread”. The teacher was all “en francais” so the kid said, “je voudrais some of dat bread”.
The French teacher later had a nervous breakdown or something I’m not sure and had to quit and the substitute looked like Ma’am from Webster.

*Thanks again to blameaspartame.tumblr.com who always finds the best Yelp reviews!

Tis the season for pentagram pizza

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:10:17 -0700

*Thanks to this guy blameaspartame.tumblr.com for the review!

It's a cool, coool summer

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 21:47:33 -0700

“These people don’t know how to run a hotel. I’m here now. It sucks.
The A/C has one setting, and is very cold and very loud, so I spent the night on top of the covers.
The wireless- working now, surprisingly- is off and on, which I do not find relaxing.
There is no pool.
There is one bedside lamp, and it is not on my side.
The bed is old and squeaky.
We found a lost camera in the closet. Based on the dates of the photos on it, I think it has been there for 3 months.
And, the cleaners woke me up by blaring loud music this morning, which is why I’m in such a crummy mood.
SUCH a crummy mood. This is not vacation.
So, screw you too, Las Palomas- I’m posting this and checking out out out.”

*Thanks to the amazing Farley’s for this one! www.aaronfarley.com

Lord of the Fries

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 00:18:00 -0700

“uuummmm What happened to this place?????

I heard they ditched all the old staff, and now there is good service and shit…and you are greeted and asked if you “have ever dined here before”?????? WHA!!?!?!?!???!

also, I heard they do that creepy kneel at your table while taking your order and wear something akin to the aprons that the droids wear at P.F. CHANGS!!

I want my carlys back.

although I did hear the menu is improved….”

Super nintendo, sega genesis when I was locked out, man I couldn't picture this.

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 23:27:12 -0800

“So it was a Thursday night at around 3AM when I had locked myself out. I called these guys to open the door for me. Obviously any lock service can unlock the door and since my lock is very simple, it took about 5 minutes to let me in. This is where the story gets interesting.

They were charging me $140 since it was non business hours and I had left my wallet at work so I was just going to use our family credit card. The guy went on a really long ramble (I had to cut him off repeatedly because he just kept repeating the same story over and over and it got a little awkward) about how they can only accept credit cards if the signature holder is actually present otherwise they’ve been burned too many times by chargebacks. I offered to have my parents talk to the guy but he said he can’t take cards unless it is actually mine. All the other places I had called before would explicitly tell me what kind of payment methods they would take before they sent their worker out.

After going through multiple scenarios like driving me to my work and going to an ATM, the guy ended up taking my xbox from me for “collateral” and said would stop by my work the next day to pick up cash from me. The guy was extremely weird and awkward and I just wanted to sleep so I obliged. The next day the guy calls me at 6:30pm to tell me he can’t make it. Even though I wanted the xbox back for the weekend, I told him to not worry about it and that he could come by and drop it off on Monday.

So on Monday, he somehow evades two levels of security at my work and just barges into our office and starts yelling and screaming about how everything is my fault. No phone call, nothing. The dude just showed up and everyone in the office looked at him with a “WTF / Call security” face. I straight up told him how ridiculous he was and that he was making a fool of himself. The last time I talked to him on Friday, everything was good and he was thanking me for not making him drop off the xbox over the weekend. My boss was about to call security to have him escorted out so I just gave him the cash and had him leave. He heavily apologized for his rant when I said goodbye to him and he seemed really embarrassed after he calmed down. Oh and to top it off, the guy not only put a huge dent in my xbox, he broke my xbox. I can see how this place can get all 5 stars if it’s a very simple in and out job and but I think a business has an opportunity to really stand out when it has to go beyond the call of duty and this place completely failed.”

*I accidentally drew a sega instead of an xbox… but you get it

Going Postal

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 11:57:26 -0800

“There is a woman working here who is a total riot. If she is behind the counter as you wait in the 50 minute line (behind 3 other people), you will be both extremely amused by her, all the while crossing your fingers and toes that you don’t get her. But if you can chill out a little and not get too hung up about the line, take a moment to enjoy her stand up comedy.

You’ll know her, because everything she says sounds like it is being read directly from a script, and she inflicts no emotion or punctuation into her words. Today, in line, I witnessed this interaction:

Employee: Ma’am you will have to remove the labels from this package before it can be mailed As a service to you I will lend you my personal pair of scissors which you will need to return to me

Customer: Oh, yes, sure. Thanks. (Holds scissors, looks perplexedly at box in front of her, which is covered with mailing tape and labels). Um, is there a certain way you’d reco…

Employee: Ma’am I am lending those scissors to you as a favor I do not need to lend you my personal pair of scissors but you do need to remove those labels

Customer: No no, that’s cool - I was just wondering if there was a technique involved or something?

Employee: Ma’am those labels must be removed I don’t care how you do it

Charming. Hilarious. PLEASE let me get the less dour woman standing at the window next to you.”

Crushtomers

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 10:59:01 -0800

“i always escape the dark and stormy weather of this town by eating at this nice spot. Not only do they have an amazing Club sandwich (hold the mayo) but the cutest waiter works there. he is a dreamboat. He payed for an elderly ladies breakfast one time because she was short on change. Swoon and a sandwich for $7.95 not bad.”

MarlBRO

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:23:00 -0800

“this place is hella cool. you can smoke indoors which you cant much do anywhere else now since some damn new laws passed makin me give up my rights. anyway, the peeps are hella cool too. lots in coomon with the bartender that also smokes marlborols. hella cool chick. check it out bro.”

Faux Real

Sat, 18 Dec 2010 09:42:00 -0800

“lady are you really gonna pull out your taxidermied pet for a photoshoot? Let it go! I do have to say the staff was polite and accomodated this nuts every need so they get some stars for patience.”

Oh my goth

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 13:55:58 -0800

“So i check out this Goth night with my sister and my cousins over the holiday break cause we were sick of watching grandpa walk around in his underwares..

anyway we get there and the people take this stuff for serious. the girl takin our money had real fangs afixed to her teeth… soo, I end up saddling up at the bar and order this lemon-or-something cocktail and im trying to enjoy it when Mr. Darkness appears out of nowhere STARRING at me as if i was his dinner and he just awoke from the batcave.

are you serious man? get a life! But then he then sits down and asks if i am hungry. uh what? then he pulls out a mangled up brownie and says he will split it with me.

i know right of the “bat” that this isn’t your average brownine and against my better judgment i ate it along with my lemon cocktail. i figured what the hell, weird shit is what family vacation is all about.

I ended up seeing all sorts of weird images like hardboiled eggs floating in the air and other random things that mix well with a goth night. all and alll good times.”

To beej or not to beej...

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 12:37:00 -0800

“I went here to get some food and a beej, but instead got into something else much more …unpleasant. I was first greeted by some Mad Max looking …Rastafarian who poured a whole cup of PBR on my pant leg and then these underage looking girls with dark hair …and tattoo’s started laughing at… my as if I just wet myself. One of their boyfriends with long hair and facial hair just awkwardly stared without making any facial expression. I finally get to the bar to order some food and am hit on indiscreetly by a drunk bartender (I remind you it’s only 5 pm on a Sunday…) and then I get my sandwich and am asked to share it with four of the homeless regular’s there. Shortly after I eat half of my sandwich, a short, bald, fat white guy started to pick up chairs and throw them at older men. And this was on a Sunday.”

*Thanks to Hannah at www.smittenmitten.com for finding this true Orlando gem.

Paint in the ass

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 13:38:00 -0800

“I’ll tell ya what if you want to get something done you might as well do it yourself! I contacted “Jim’s Paint Co” for a touch up job that these darned graffiti kids have done to my fence. I run a pre-school outside of my home and let’s just say it isn’t good business to have a males genitalia and curse words painted across my fence.

Jim said he would be on the job and all he did was a basic one coat cover up that had the graffiti resurfacing in only an hour!!! I called him up and he said that he couldn’t come back out for two days!!!! NO BUENO for my business, so went to the hardware store, and did it myself… which I shouldve dont in the first darned place!”

Rip Van Stinkle

Fri, 15 Oct 2010 09:16:00 -0700

“This place obviously hasn’t heard the term “customer is always right”

I sat at a table on a Sunday trying to enjoy myself, relax, what have you.. as long as need be.

well, apparently this dint sit right with the waitresses and apparently I had outstayed my welcome because one girl said “sir, we need to seat other customers who have been waiting in line”

OH! i’m sorry honey, thats not my problem. I got so miffed by this that i decided to order a side of cole slaw. when I sit down to eat i dont want to worry about feeding no damn customer meter.

well, they had the NERVE to give me my second order wrapped TO GO! Did i stink up the place or somethin?? then I guess the head honcho waitress who I assume is the leader of this brat pack said

“two hours is an inappropriate stay on a busy sunday” OH really, last time I checked it was inappropriate to treat paying customers with zero respect honey!”

Livin la vidal-sassooon

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 10:29:11 -0700

“This place blows like a con-air.
Everyone has an expensive stick up their ass ( that they bought on credit and now cannot afford to pay for), not to mention terrible personal style…why would I trust Ricky Martin with the white pants and Ed Hardy fedora to touch MY style? The only thing going for this etch-a-sketchy is the shampoo girl, she gotz long nailz…i mean fingerz.”

Deeez nuts

Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:57:42 -0700

“i have two loves in my life. one- Captain Lou Albano and two- boiled peanuts. when i was a young peanut myself, my dad would take me to this market, buy a bag then we would go home and watch wrestling, throw the peanut shells on the ground (much to my mother’s chagrin) and then practice moves on the mattress out back.

now that i am an old nut i still get sentimental when passing by and always try to make a pit stop off the highway.”

She's not a CHRISTIAN!!!!

Tue, 28 Sep 2010 10:38:00 -0700

“Let this be known, this is in no way a review for the church, BUT for one of its neurotic god fearing disciples. My friend wanted to join a new parish and asked me to check some out with her so she wouldn’t be alone.. she just went through a divorce and is looking for some spiritual comfort so I decided to be a friend and go along with her.

M I S T A K E! man, i hope i am not punished for writing this, mind you, its not the church, its a particular “member” so the service was fine and dandy but afterward the minister said that there would be jelly doughnuts and coffee served in the social hall and would appreciate new members and old to congregate and talk. fine. sounds great.

N O T! we got to talking about our lives and my dear friend brought up her recent sad divorce. well, this sent this one beast to hell and back to get her pitchfork and laid into her yelling “IT’S NOT GODS WAY TO BREAK UP A PROMISE” “MARRIAGE IS FOREVER AND YOU BROKE A HOLY PROMISE” okay, see what i mean, yelling, spitting, face red and sweating. “SHE CAN’T JOIN THE PARISH”!

the minister tried to shut her down but this lady is obviously LOCO. I just grabbed two jelly doughnuts, my friends hand and split that scene. two stars for the refreshments”

Tangled up and blue

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 14:01:00 -0700

“I had the worst experience here earlier this year - should have reviewed it then, but maybe it’s better that I didn’t. I’m a pretty mellow person and the entire experience really pissed me off. I left feeling like I paid to get tortured in grandma’s house. I only wish that was an ironic/sarcastic comment.

I decided to check it out as fellow Yelpers gave good reviews on price and liked their experience/cuts. Sadly, I had poor service (and I was one of two customers in the middle of a Saturday afternoon), got a wire brush yanked through my tangled wet hair (super ow, I actually had to ask she use a plastic comb), she kept making me play musical chairs (wtf?? I don’t know either), she argued with me most of the time and the best part: I surely didn’t save any money as the price that I confirmed over the phone when making my reservation was “changed and there’s nothing we can do about it”. Grrr.

Thumbs down. Zero stars, if I could.”

Thats Hawt

Fri, 24 Sep 2010 15:59:00 -0700

“Hot sauce so spicey damned near Crossed my eyes!!! Now I know what what to give the ladies when I want them to think me for a good lookin fella”

Old dogs got new tricks

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 15:56:00 -0700

“this bar makes a mean nacho and quesidilla plate. it also offers a handful of cougars on the prowl. yeeeow. i ain’t tryin to date my mom yet but there was this one woman that definitely put my buddy in check at the pool table and i wondered what else she would be able to teach.”

Eternal flames

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 15:09:00 -0700

“This beach is absolutely GORGEOUS! Volleyball nets, seashells for miles…

Only… I made the mistake of tweeting that I wanted to go to the beach one particular day and three “former flames” showed up. Error on my part, but who can really have an awkward time when its so beautiful out!”